Arghh!! Kill me pleaseee....
This is soo torturinnnggggg!!
/Hopped!
4:35 PM
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Arghh.. wad a miserable day. Awake since early morning with nothing to do. Cant get back to sleep though I know I need them..
Just feelin remorse over wad happen since this past few days..
No.. its not cause of the content. It's her life afterall.
but cause I've done what I shouldnt have done. Shouldn't have read on..
Just like wad Sarah use to said, sometimes, its not nice to be overly curious..
wonder where she is now..Sigh.. hope the same thing dont happen again last year..
I'm really sorry. I didnt want to tell you cause I know this will happen. I dont like seeing you upset.. Just feel bad that I'm the cause of it.
/Hopped!
3:14 PM
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I'm still not eating well.. Just realise I lost 2kg. Maybe someday, I'll just grow small enough to disappear.
My BMI currently is 15.5. Means I'm at risk for nutritional deficit and osteoporosis.
5 more days.. Halfway more..
I'm not asking for much. I'm just happy the way it is.
/Hopped!
11:35 PM
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I'm pretty much better now.. Thanks to KF, Leslie and Liying.
Anyway,
I dont think I want go follow leslie plan. I'm not like him. I cant forget things easily. I know he said it's tough but I know I cant do it. I'm too used in doing it. So, I'll just follow plan B.
Which is, there's actually no plan B.
Call it giving up before trying but I think it be better this way. and call me stupid for doing so but I dont know.. dont try talking me out of it.
Thats for now, really must go get some sleep though I know I cant sleep. I'm becoming a panda. Must be more alert especially when my personal bodyguard is transferred out.
6 more days.. tired from slacking too much..Today, after seeing your smile and laughter, I finally remembered why it happens.
/Hopped!
9:43 PM
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I'm tired of forcing a smile.
7 more days and I'm still counting down. I'm not crazy yet. Just mentally exhausted.
If I was myself, I would have gone away. Call it escaping.
/Hopped!
11:07 PM
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I'm feeling tired.. but I know I wont be able to sleep. Just like yesterday, I'll just toss and turn in bed till 2 and will be awake early in the morning. It's not even a deep sleep. Will be awake in between the night.
I know I suppose to be eating more especially since I'm fasting but I just dont have the appetite.
Compared to last week, I actually dont feel hungry at all in the afternoon even though I'm doing more work then last week. In fact, the pau I've eaten ended up being thrown out. So the only things in my stomach after break fast are just the 3 wafer sticks.
I'm trying my best to smile and pretend nothing happen. but I know I'm not doing pretty well at doing so.. Even one of my patient asked me why I keep dazing off looking at nothing. He just make it sounds as I'm one of them.
Though there's plenty of fights going on in the ward with the countless vulgarities, I just pretty much cant be bothered. I know this sound unsafe but even if they were to hit me, I doubt I'll pretty much care. They are mentally unstable anyway.. In fact, it will be a pretty good thing.
Sorry if you were expecting an IMH posting post but I cant tell you. Not for now. I'm not even mentally there.
8 more days.. Hope it gets better on every aspect.
I just want to see your smile and I know you're smiling more. but I guess I cant have everything. In the end, I just ended up hurting myself.
/Hopped!
12:11 AM
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Was feeling elated when I got home though feeling tired and sleepy. Watch some kdrama before playing arnd the net..
Then I saw the truth. The truth that would have never been said out. Due to curiosity, I just read on.. and on.. and on.. Just reading it makes me feel bitter.
Guess curiosity really kills the cat.
Sigh.. finally I understand. Guess they were right. I'm an idiot.
Now I'm feeling kind of loss. What should I do next?
9 more days and hope I can hold on.
If you going to hide it, you've to do better than that. Cause I found it.
/Hopped!
12:04 AM
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Is it ok to lie?
I'm not wrong rite?
/Hopped!
8:56 PM
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Study Study Study / 18.9.07
ARGHH!!
Should focus on studying. Just cant seems to focus even though I'm in a pretty tight situation now.
It's not my problem. Dont think about it. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS
and it's super boring studying alone.. Nothing to look forward to. Just me and the books..
Anyone want to study, read a book, or just hang out in the library or just watch me study, dont hesitate to give me a call.
The worst wont be the worst forever. I'll be back
/Hopped!
11:40 PM
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Little Cute Tree / 4.9.07
I miss that little cute tree. Dont know why but.. I just miss her while going home today. Khair and Prof J was like telling me that I was super hardworking today. I dont find it so but even if I am, I think cause I just want to keep myself busy and not think of that tree.
Sigh.. Think I just continue keeping myself busy and finish up the dumb case study.
Though it's impossible with her roots on my brain.
/Hopped!
10:56 PM
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