Been a long time i felt like this, in fact, never feel like this before.
I am scared.. Very scared.
Trying to appear strong but then, my eyes feel watery.
/Hopped!
4:26 PM
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So many things, So little time / 29.7.08
Don't really have time to blog cause I got alot of things to finished up tonight.
Goodbye Sleep, Hello midnight oil!!
/Hopped!
7:40 PM
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Ok.. Last time, like 1 sem ago. I did SBL with Rx.. And the case was on patient on respiratory distress. If I remembered correctly.
Today, I did it again with Azahar and Dandan with Baijing as the afternoon shift nurse and belinda as the relative. (We're on night)
Basically, before the thingy itself, was having diarrhea again!! Well for those who remembered, I have diarrhea too the previous time. And I was sort of scared not like the previous time.
Still remembered, the first one, Rx was like..
(9:04 PM) Catknight Sharke:
u know how to administer neb?
(9:05 PM) 我是雷诺尔:
nope
(9:06 PM) 我是雷诺尔:
shit, my skill book's at sch
(9:06 PM) Catknight Sharke:
then we dead
(9:06 PM) 我是雷诺尔:
nvm
(9:06 PM) Catknight Sharke:
by theory i should be able to
(9:06 PM) Catknight Sharke:
just havent practice that skill
(9:06 PM) 我是雷诺尔:
i go read up, maybe at least won't die a horrible death
(9:06 PM) 我是雷诺尔: im dead
(9:06 PM) Catknight Sharke:
nono
(9:06 PM) Catknight Sharke:
it's we dead
(9:07 PM) 我是雷诺尔:
hahah
SUNDAY, 18 November 2007(all thanks to msn chat logs with all these remaining memories (: )Then we spend sometime together on msn revising on the meds and all that. At least, somehow, I felt like more confident that time.
This time, even though i did spend some time reading and trying to like figure out to put on the ECG lead and read certain cardiac rhythm, I do feel slightly insecure.
In fact, just now, while doing the procedure itself, I do feel lost. Like don't know what to do. While Azahar is busy checking on the patient and Dandan trying to do the next course of action for the patient, I'm just lost?
Then while doing the resus thingy, some might realise, some might not. But I can't actually do the (30:2) cycle properly. Thus making azahar count with me.
I was distracted. Yup. Distracted.
Was thinking of that day. When we first learn airway management. Me, Aza and Rx were playing. Each took turn to be Nurse 1, Nurse 2 and Doctor. We were running amok trying to make the situation as real as possible in the meantime, making it fake and funny. Making jokes in between like, pretending to defib the wrong patient all that.
Those memories, just so clear. Like it suddenly flow back.
Sigh.. I really miss him alot. A whole lot.
Anyway,
thanks for those encouragement.
thanks sharon for the red pen and ashley for the scissors.
and sorry baox, linda, val and aza for being slightly weird during lunch. and whiney..
Be strong Sharke!!
/Hopped!
7:54 PM
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Bad things keep coming, neverending / 25.7.08
Sigh..
I just failed my clinical prac exams. Feeling sucky about it.
Basically, I did super terribly badly on the procedure. The lecturer was not satisfy with my assessment portion. She says I cant wait and just to focus on the actual procedure itself. In fact, she stop me after I contaminate my gloves. Yup! Gloves. Due to natural reflex. The paper was dropping and my initial reaction was to like, catch it before it fall. But the thing is, I used my dominant hand.
Next week,
Monday, I got SBL. Volunteered in it again. I so dont feel like doing it anymore.
Thursday, got 2 ICAs. Haven't even finished them yet. Not forgetting the remedial and 2nd attempt for clinical.
Plus, I still contemplating on that issue. Dont know what to do.. I'm feeling so lost. No idea what to do. Should I??
I'm feeling pretty aimless now. I know I need to do this, do that but then just can't seems to be able to do them.
Feels like the bad things just keep on coming, while the good things just, stop?
Perhaps, I just need a hug to calm my soul down.
/Hopped!
5:27 PM
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When I'm down and out, feeling sad cause of the surrounding, cause of stress, just cause of the super god damn moody feeling, you never failed to make me laugh.
Haha..
Feeling so much better after opening that mail..
There's still someone who cares and it's great knowing there's someone who does.
Shall smile cause of that
(:
/Hopped!
1:11 AM
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Is it wrong to stand in something I believe in? / 24.7.08
I am sad
/Hopped!
7:21 PM
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I'm still awake at this hour trying to find some stuff to download.
Like last time, I dont even be like downloading them.. Rx will sort of be doing it for me. Like just a simple,
"You watch XXX already? Download leh I wan watch"
or
"That show classic sia.. You think can find on torrent?? Help me dwl la.."
or
"You play XXX before?? Fun not?? You dwl then you share la.."
and you will always be oblige to do it even those risk involve. and sometimes, Fi or some of the gals would start nagging at you for being such a bad influence providing me with games all that..
Remember ODEX? You were making such a big hoo haa about it. Cant download your favourite anime.. Like how stupid they're all that.
Can't seems to get to sleep. Been thinking..
About everything, like what's happening around.
Especially to like what's happening in school.
Well, I'm not blaming anybody. Not Fi, not anyone else. There's a reason why I choose not to attend or decided to go MIA.
FYI, I'm just not satisfied with the sculpture. For one simple reason. Just not convince that it will work out. And you said that we need to give comments and advice on how to suppose it work out. But, I did. And I find it's stupid. To tear up paper all that.
And dont get me wrong, I dont mind tearing those paper if you've told me the plan like why it's needed or why need to be cut or just a simple why it's going to be used for.
Why not, I tell you.
"You see those stacks of newspaper over there?? We need to burn them to make sculpture."
and that's the most I'm going to tell you. No diagrams, no visual idea, no explanation, nothing. How will you have feel?
If you've told me to do some other stuff, I might or in fact, do it. Like for example, the folding of cloth. I knew that we needed it so that PL mum can sew it easily. And it's needed for the maze. YES. I'll do it. Like storing everything inside the resource room nicely, yes, I'll do.
However, I must admit, I'm selfish. I just hated art and craft thats why I just dont bother to do. Afterall, your agenda is, to make the sculpture right? That's what I know of and were told of. And it's soo my weakness. I cant do precision glueing, cant draw perfect circles nor just draw something nice. And I dont really like that part of myself. So.. ya.
Sigh..
Just 12 days of school left. Is all this really really necessary??
I'm tired
Rx.. What would you have done??
/Hopped!
1:12 AM
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So much for all that / 19.7.08
I finally clearly see it. Sort of not happy.
Why are they doing this?? Isn't she part of us?
You know wad, I'll join her. It's pointless sticking around with you all.
Bye fuckers. Thanks for not being appreciative
/Hopped!
9:03 PM
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This is an interesting fact / 18.7.08
Pl tell me that the reason why I check my mail, friendster, facebook and other stuff in the middle of the night is due to
I miss someone???
I looking forward to an event??
wow.. somemore, she say that if I think hard enough, I might be able to know the answer..
Let me try thinking now..
*thinking
*thinking
dont know la.. if i want to remember then i will remember la..
/Hopped!
3:15 AM
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I crack at my own jokes / 17.7.08
I dont know why, but I feeling so different about myself. As if some of my patterns are changing. I feel like I've open up so much more. Joke around so much and think of them so much instantly that sometimes, I crack at my own jokes. Definitely feels so much happier, but sometimes, I just felt weird of this thing.
Then yesterday, went to help out Baox, Linda and Val for their flea market stall. Not like they got alot of flea or anything, but they just want to sell stuff la. Considering that I didnt have much sleep before that, I'm amaze at how early I manage to wake up. Do all the stuff, and still manage to take a theory exam.
Dont know la.. I think I go study then sleep better. I need to study, I must study and I really need to study. Damn!
/Hopped!
10:14 PM
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"When are you getting a girlfriend?" - Azahar to me
He have been constantly asking me this question, and my usual answer be like
"I'm just enjoying being single."
Oh well, the actual reason is I've just not found the right one. Call me picky or what but, I haven't really found anyone I could like really really click with. Someone I could laugh with, cry with, have fun with and basically just enjoy the motion of life with.
I knew that not everyone could take my blatant-ness or my crude jokes. I also knew that not every gal like to see an emotional guy. I do express my feelings alot and as a whole the way it is and the misconception of guys dont cry really is a misleading thing.
Even if I did find someone nice (which once awhile I did), something is always just not right somewhere. Either the girl is attached, just broke up, not ready for another relationship or just something, somewhere not right.
Maybe it's just a stupid curse I remembered telling my pri 5 art teacher, "Girls are just bad luck. We men dont need them."
Yea, for those wondering, I'm SINGLE baby.. Drop me a message if you're interested.
/Hopped!
8:56 PM
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Been having a hectic week..
But then again, a pretty fruitful one..
Went for the ms carnival on wed. Took part in the sudoku(again) and photohunt..
Pretty fun la.. Very long haven't play that much.
Exams are coming and I need to start studying. Actually I started la.. just that, not concentrating enough.
Just been distracted with stuff and wad not..
Left with 4 more weeks. 20 days of sch time. I going to miss everybody
/Hopped!
12:06 PM
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Shit la..
This is so fuck. Everytime like this
/Hopped!
12:45 AM
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I sort of miss him / 6.7.08
/Hopped!
7:01 PM
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