I dont know wad this sudden feeling.. a feeling of loneliness. I know that I have been feeling lonely for quite some time but this time, it's feels different. It's like feeling worst than usual. This is actually making me feels crappy.
Last year, I've always believe that this year, would be different then any other year. A year where I wont be spending time alone during the holiday seasons. A year where I would be busy enjoying my holidays out of the house, having fun. A year unlike any other year, where I would share this season of sharing and giving with a special someone.
No.. It's not about me being single. Not about those gals around me. And no.. it's not about her. It's about just being able to spend my time out with people i trust and love.
Except for the occasional sms from my mum asking me where i am everytime i went out or the errands she wanted me to do, my phone seems quiet. In fact, too quiet.
Sometimes, I just stare at it wondering.. Does my phone even work anymore? I wish that is the case. I hope it's really because this old phone gave up on me. Not because I'm invisible and people dont really remember me thus contacting me is just another waste of time. I'm just not significant in their life.
I've wondered. Why is there such thing as holiday? Isnt it suppose to be when people can enjoy what they have done after what they done earlier on the year? Isnt it suppose to be fun? Isnt it suppose to be a time where you wake up feeling happy and refreshed looking ahead longing that this holiday wont end? Just like on tv where kids will be running out when it's the start of summer vacation?
For me, I dont find it this way. I find holiday torturous. Waking up in the morning feeling dull. Waking up in the morning, with all the time in the world knowing that.. i have nothing to do. Nothing at all. NOTHING!! NO PLANS, NOTHING!!
Argh.. I just hate this kind of lifestyle.
Just how I wish there's someone to talk with now.
Laughter to hear, smiles to see.
Let this wish come true for if it really happens, I'll be grateful.
I just want to be happy, forgetting this loneliness.
/Hopped!
12:13 AM
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