Missing? Maybe not.. / 17.2.08
So far, i'm living a quiet life. Staying at home almost all the time. Only go out to buy food back to eat.
Almost 24/7 online though usually, only the common 1 or 2 people whom i chat with. My phone is almost useless. In fact, it's a tool for me to set my alarm. Not for me to make calls or sms since i receive none anyway..
Enjoying this kind of quiet life though it's lonely. Very lonely.
Well, cant have everything in life. But I think killing loneliness is a better thing then being lonely.
It's almost the end of feb. Everytime when it's the new year, I will silently pray hard that this year, I will kill Mr loneliness. Find someone to spend time with or something to do.
But every year, it just remain the same. Me being at home alone. Thinking whether to go out or not and with whom.
Though one of my friend did ask me to go school to mug together for exams, i feel lazy. Yea.. Lazy.. not lazy as in the kind where you will feel as if you dont want to do it. It's the kind where I will get everything prepared from ironing my clothes to packing my bag but before leaving I will be thinking.
Do I really want to go school? And then.. What's next? Study? Do I think I really will study there? No? Then do what? Play games? Look at girls? No? Then?
Many people thought I'm a sociable person but in fact, I don't think I am. I do make friends easily but I will find it hard to maintain it?
Last friday, I went to school to sit for my med surg paper. And the result is, I feel crappy inside. Not the kind of left out feeling but the feeling that something is missing. I have no clue what is missing but something inside, deep inside there's a gap to be filled in.
I still have not found it. That missing piece. Though I'm not in any hurry to find it, someone to spend time with and share happy and sad moments with will be good.
After my last serious failed attempt(that shorty gal), I dont really feel like trying seriously again. Not that I cant be bothered or anything but just afraid to fall into darkness again.
I dont want anymore of those days where I'll sleep the whole day wishing the next day will come and then the next and then the next. Not going into details for I dont want to remember anymore of those days.
So much for the bad side of being single. But on the good side, I got good news for myself.
I compared my hp bills with my bro. His sms sent is quad digit. While mine, is double. yea double. It didnt even reach 100. And since I'm at home most of the time and used the house phone to make calls, my hp bill is super super low. So my pocket now is super super fat.
Secondly, like I said, my pocket is fat. Though lex, if you're reading this, don't ask me about it. Wait for my "pathetic payday".
And there are many other great welfare around. So don't worry. Being single is good. I myself feeling good about being one. Think positive. And just let fate decide.
Alrite.. Running off to play more games.
imgone
/Hopped!
8:12 PM
>>>